Hi. I am the mom of one very wonderful little boy named James who is two. I struggle with the issue of raising an only child and naturally want to do what is best for him. He is our delight and we love him more than we ever dreamed possible. I would have been sorry had I never had this person in my life...he is our angel. We are older parents. I am nearly 40 and dad is 47. How do I know if only one is right for us? How do I know if only one is right for Jimmy? We are very happy now and love the trio we’ve become. Wouldn’t a foursome be twice as wonderful? I don’t know. Please send me whatever you’ve got, and I will absorb it like a sponge. Thanks so much for your organization.
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Deciding how many children to have is so personal that it’s difficult to say what would be best for you. Having another child might round out your family and make you happier than having one. But it also changes the dynamics of your relationships forever. Families with more than one child may not be as closely bonded as families with one. Siblings often rely on one another more than they rely on you for sharing feelings and experiences. This is natural and can be extremely beneficial. As far as families are concerned, there can be joy in any number. The one thing you don’t want to do, however, is be pressured into having a child you don’t really want. Nor should you have another child because you feel guilty. Only children grow up just fine and statistically are higher achievers than kids with siblings. They are also strong and resourceful. Good luck no matter what path you choose.
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I would like to talk to "Doubting Mom" I am down the line in years from her. We had an only son, and also named him Jimmy. Well, he is now a sophomore in college. But always there has been a void. He is lonely. But he has wonderful friends. We are a great 3 some, but he has his network of friends.
IF I could do it over again, I would have had another child. When we are gone from this world he will have no one. That bothers me and has for years.
Being 40, though, "Doubting Mom' may have run out of time, but love your son and be a good support, for he will appreciate it.
Been There with One.
Posted by: Jan | September 29, 2007 at 07:41 PM
I am in a similar situation. We have a two and a half year old girl and we are very happy. We are also older parents, 38 and 43. The decision to have a second child weighs heavy on me. I am not sure that I want another one. Yet, I wonder if it is the right thing to do for our daughter. Is it better for her to not be an only child? I also consider other issues, like the impact on the environment, sibling rivalry, careers, cost, etc. What to do???
Posted by: valerie | May 12, 2008 at 10:08 PM
I have found this website through a 'search' to try and gain some reassurance that we will be OK as as family of 3. We are both 38 and have a wonderful outgoing 4 1/2 year old daughter. We always thought we'd have another child, but after an easy first pregnacy, I have since had 2 ectopic pregnancies, 1 miscarriage and a traumatic 12 week scan where they told me there was no heartbeat. So much pain and distress in trying to have another child has almost made us forget how lucky we are to have one healthy and very happy daughter. I'll use this site as a means of moral support in knowing that there are many families out there who, through choice or otherwise, have one child. I definitely believe that having one makes you cherish every moment, and never, ever take parenting for granted.
Posted by: Donna | May 31, 2008 at 03:42 AM
Please don't let your age hold you back. Although it is harder to get pregnant after 40, it is not impossible. Also, if you do decide on one, please remember once you are gone, they will most certainly not "have no one." Your son will have his own friends and a family someday!
Posted by: Peg | June 03, 2008 at 09:05 AM
I am really grateful in finding this website. I also have one child who is 4. She is not an only child by choice. My husband and I have some financial difficulties and I am the type of person who needs help if I were to have two children. I am scared to have another child also because of health issues. My parents are deceased and I do not have anyone around (except my husband) literally to talk to. Is there anyone out there who has one child but really feels guilty not having two?
Posted by: Lydia | March 25, 2009 at 03:36 PM
I am a 36yr. old mother of an only child. My husband is 40yr. old. I am really torn about whether to have or not another child as my husband does not want another one. We are all very happy as a family of 3 but I often think of leaving our son alone when we die. I have 2 other siblings and my husband has one brother and unfortunatelly, our relationship with our respective siblings is not the best.
Posted by: Celina | April 06, 2009 at 04:44 PM
I have been struggling with this as well. I am a proud mother of a very independent 5.5 year old girl. She is truly my blessing, and we have a great family of three. I thought I would have to use fertility treatments to get pregnant, but she was a miracle (a shock, but no less a miracle). I never thought it would take us this long to have another baby. We have tried Clomid, with nothing. We realistically can't afford injectables/IVF, and we know it is me and not my husband. With my daughter turning six this winter, I worry that even if I could have another, they would be so far apart in age that they really wouldn't have a relationship. My husband is an only child, and he is fine with only having one child. Clomid was hard on all of us- I would cry, and I felt like I was focusing on the negative and not the blessing I was already given. I struggle with this daily, but feel like I need to accept that I will be the mommy to one beautiful little girl.
Posted by: Mommytoone | May 10, 2009 at 08:36 PM