TOUGH TRANSITIONS

I currently subscribe to your great publication. I just read the interview with Michele Letourneau in a past issue and enjoyed her comments. I feel the same way she does in many situations. Being an only child is a unique and positive experience. I am a 26-year-old only child and have loved being the only child in my parents’ life. I have had a great relationship with them. My father spent 26+ years as a naval officer and retired in 1990 as a pilot.. He was a captain.  We moved about 13-14 times by the time I was on my way to college, which made for an even more interesting and wonderful life as an only child.
On June 21, 1998, my father died suddenly and sadly from a heart attack. It was on Father’s Day. How ironic it had to happen on that day. Since then, my role as an only child has changed tremendously. I feel quite young to have lost my Dad and sometimes feel very alone even though my mother is my best friend. My life is completely different now. I am scared of my family size and don’t want to be orphaned. After much reading, I know I am not alone. I would love to share my story and/or speak to someone in a similar situation. Thanks for your work and for bringing only children together.

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Thank you for your response to the interview with Michelle LeTourneau. I am so glad that you found it helpful. Please write us your story so that we can share it with others who may learn from you. I am so sorry about your loss, but you sound like someone who will always make the best of any situation. I hope that you have some close friends you can turn to when you need extra support. You can always write us and talk about what’s on your mind. We do look forward to hearing from you.

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Comments

[melissa Dunning]

I am an only daughter as well. My mother passed away when I ws 23, so I can fully relate to your feelings. I just stumbled upon this website for the first time...

[Emma]

I, also an only child, know the feeling, although my loss is of a different kind. My parents divorced when I was 16, and I lost that vital family bond that the parental union brings for us "onlies". It's just the way it is, Im afraid. As an only child, it certainly helps if you grow up to form some relationships of your own, such as a husband/wife and friends. But you are essentially alone in this world - even more so after the passing of your parents.

[Susan DeGroot]

I am an only child too. I feel your loss--my father committed suicide when I was 3 and my mother died when I was 21. I have 2 cousins who are much older than me and an elderly aunt and uncle and that's it. But I have made my husband's family my family and my best friend's too. It's not the same as "real" family but it's good enough and brings its joys. I am sorry about your dad. Good luck to you.

[Alisha]

Just wanted to say I know how you feel. My Dad died when I was 11 and so it was always my mom and I struggling. I didn't really mind being an only child until adulthood, having my own children. (I am pregnant with my third) I am 33 years old and even with a loving husband and beautiful kids sometimes I feel very alone. My mom lives 3 hours from me and I dread the day she dies because that will be the end of any family. My extended family is not close-knit and my husband is not close to his extended family either. I just feel better knowing I'm not alone in these feelings. I often wish I had siblings because I've seen others interact with their brothers & sisters and it's such a deep bond.

[Shannon]

I was adopted by my half cousin and her husband as a baby and raised an only child. My birthfather died when I was 3 from drugs and my adopted father died of a sudden heart attack at age 48 when I was 12 . My mother got hooked on psychiatric drugs, so I have been pretty much alone most of my life . I got married and pregnant at 19 because I wanted someone to love and to love me. My husband's family is more my family than anyone on my many sides. When my mother dies that will be the end of my family pretty much so I have to be content with myself and my husband and 2 children.

[Christy]

I am a 38 year old only child. I recently lost my mother. We were very close. She went through tremendous loss and grief of her own when I left home (she did not work and I was pretty much her biggest priority). I did not understand what she went through, but with her sudden passing, I am having a very rough time. My mom was the go-between for my dad and I and we do not seem to know how to have a relationship without her. He handed all of the responsibility over to me upon her death - funeral arrangements, selling their business, even packing up his home and belongings. he did not want anything and has moved to another state. I feel very alone. Eveyone I talk to who has lost a parent says they leaned on their siblings, but I have none. No one else on earth knows how it felt to have her for a mother - to be loved that muchby her. I have no one to share my memories with - I am very lost and at this moment I wish I was not an only child. My husband and four children have been very supportive, but I have no one who understands the significant amount of time that an only child has with their parents and how close the relationship can be. I was the center of attention and I feel very unimportant without my mother, although I know that is not what she would want. I just keep getting up each day and going through the motions.

[Monique]

Wow, I know just how you feel, I am an only child, very close to my parents all of my life. My dad also died suddenly in a car accident when I was 31 (3 years ago). I have never felt that anyone understands the close relationship I had with my dad and what the loss has meant. No one can know how it feels for you to loose the only person (except for mom) who could make everything better. As only children we did not have to share this with any siblings and that bond was so special. I miss my dad terribly and like other only children feel that I will essentially loose my "family" after my mom is gone. I do have a supportive extended family but its not the same as growing up in the same household. I also have a very supportive husband and five year old son. He is an only child and even though I do not necessarily want more children because he is so wonderful, I wonder if he will have the same feelings when he is an adult.

[Natalie]

I am 21 and have no brothers, sisters OR cousins. I would love to hear from anyone out there in the same boat. I have never thought too much about this subjecy before but the more I think about it, I think it has had a very negative impact on my social development and friendships.

[inga]

I just want to add that I come from big family, I have 2 brothers and 2 sisters. I lost my dad this year, my mom is gone long time ago. I suffered badly from feeling that both my parents are gone now. But guess who helped me in this grief? Not as much my brothers and sisters as my wonderful husband. It is very important to start your own family, because that helps. Good luck